Idée Fixe

The problem of desire

2011-09-06T21:59:00.013-04:00

I heard a claim recently that we are all addicted to our emotions. While perhaps unduly pathologizing basic emotions that are natural to human condition, it served as a reminder of the suffering that can be experienced when something desired is not actualized. It also raised the interesting question of how the problem of desire can best be eradicated. I have come up with at least two antidotes that seem promising.

One possible antidote to the problem of desire endorsed by Erich Fromm is creative activity. However, he relegates it to a position beneath love. (If you are unfamiliar with Fromm’s The Art of Loving, see my last post.) According to Fromm, creativity is an incomplete answer to the problem of existence. While Fromm understood separateness and not desire as our primary existential problem, the ideas are connected in that recognizing our separateness produces anxiety and this anxiety results in increased effort in order to relieve it. The painful emotions create desire that we channel toward resolving the problem. We may seek connection with others by various means. This idea is similarly seen in Eastern philosophies with the paradoxical idea that desire can be used as motivation to cease it.

A drawback of creative activity is that is it often completed in isolation and little feedback is available to the creator. Although the idea that a story I create will be appreciated after I leave this world is a satisfying prospect, the lack of feedback or grossly delayed feedback (i.e. after the work is published) has no connection to the emotions felt when the piece was written. However appreciated, the feedback does not respond to the desire for connectedness or for validation of emotions experienced during the vulnerable state the creator may be in during the creation process.

While creative activity has been linked to mental health benefits and general feelings of wellbeing (as evidenced by successful outcomes with art and drama therapies), studies on the neuroscience of spirituality indicate that no activity, creative or otherwise, produces the same patterns and magnitude of brain activity as reported spiritual experiences. Brain scans also did not differ across religions or other belief systems. The evidence suggests that creative activity fails to excite our neurons as much as an actual or perceived encounter with the spiritual world. One possible explanation is that we perceive a spiritual experience as more meaningful – we allow spirituality a power over our senses that provides both a neurological and felt difference.

Should creativity perhaps enter into the realm of spirituality? To quote Amit Goswami, “creativity is the restoration of boredom.” Goswami argues for a god that is scientifically explainable. But this conceptualization is very different from traditional notions of a man in the sky. If the theoretical quantum physicist is to agree with a definition of boredom as 'a mood in response to life revealing itself as meaningless,' such a belief might be expected given the amount of faith he places in creativity, for the confidence that it can restore such a greatly deficient state to a satisfactory one. Can creative activity simultaneously be a spiritual activity? Amit Goswami certainly thinks so.

Before I get to additional solutions, a question implied here worth tackling is whether indeed we are better off without our desires. Should an antidote be an appropriate solution to the “problem” of desire? If desires are part of what it means to be human, would eradicating them not be akin to annihilation of the self? Quantum field theory might counter this with the concept of “renormalization,” in which the number of particles changes from one to two and back to one. But this is where my interest in looking at science to justify my self-annihilation ends and I find myself wanting something softer, more human. Maybe Lacanian ideas about discovering the truth that underlie one’s desires deserve consideration. Lacan understood that desire could only be dealt with if the desire could be articulated. This would sound a lot like philosophy to me if the process did not require an analyst and if it were not so tightly bound with Freudian concepts. Not to say that answers to the problem of desire cannot be found within psychoanalysis, but the framework is different. The lens through which the client is viewed by the psychoanalyst may not have the holistic feel that a humanistic-existential therapy session would.

For whom a holistic approach is appealing, another antidote to consider is based in the Buddhist tradition. The practice of meditation is aimed at relinquishing desire as it is understood to be the root cause of suffering. Common also to Indian philosophies is the idea of putting the spirit first and severing any emotional attachments, which are by nature unhealthy. I suggest that we try instead to "loosen" any emotional attachments because it is important to be compassionate and accepting with oneself when attempting to change one’s behaviour. Patterns of behaviour develop often over months and can carry on for years. Sudden changes should not be expected. Demanding quick changes from ourselves could be much less productive. After all, desire to change desire is a paradox. We need to have patience with ourselves to arrive at the answer.

I struggle with understanding the fine difference between emotional attachments and emotional connections. I understand the usefulness of not having emotional attachments that take away our responsibility to regulate our own emotions, but obviously emotional connections are important such as with our loved ones. Being a detached observer to life seems somewhat insulated to me. While usually in agreement with Eastern philosophy, this concept is theoretically in conflict with quantum physics. Detachment is impossible in quantum mechanics because at the subatomic level we are all attached to the point of being entangled. The observer causes properties of matter to change simply by observing. The idea that I affect the world by just being (i.e. merely looking) is a pleasant prospect and is also chilling when I imagine the effect of my negative thoughts. And surely they do have an effect even if the scale is small. This kind of self-reflection is found in meditation; relieving desire requires that we become conscious observers of ourselves.

Whether we seek to understand life, our relationships, or our actions through traditional philosophy or through the study of interconnected particles and waves of vibrations, I can see the opportunity for similar conclusions to be drawn about humanity – that we are social beings with unshakable desire for connection with each other.

The Philosophy of Love

2011-08-15T16:14:00.019-04:00

This summer I set about to answer a weighty question: “What is love?” A course on the philosophy of love provided several possible answers. Since this was my first philosophy class, I also needed to examine the question, “What is philosophy?” My understanding so far is that engaging in philosophy requires an ability to ask the naïve questions. As erudite as philosophers surely are, they would at least have begun their quest for wisdom by allowing themselves to ponder fundamental questions about life free from the encumbrances of answers that have already posited. The curious six-year old asks, "Why is the sky blue?" I would argue for a level of questioning even less assuming. One could start by asking “What is the sky?” Granting myself the permission to ask questions on this level (as not to yield the privilege to Wikipedia), I allowed for explorative questioning on love's nature. An important realization also came in the understanding that the questions asked can be more important than the answers given.

The first text we examined was Plato’s the Symposium. Plato's unique conception of the Form of Beauty is given careful study. The text describes a view in which love and Eros are inseparable. Carnal erotic desire, according to Plato, can be transformed into desire for wisdom. The theory does not emphasize a view that we should refrain from desires of the human body, replacing them with the good and pure. It is not the person who is transformed (e.g. from the immature and animalistic to a person of good moral character); rather, it is erotic desire that may be transformed and sublimated. Yet the person does arrive at an important realization. The realization is that one can overcome the body when one understands the higher order. The desire to be sexual with another person is the fuel for the engine of wisdom’s pursuit and the lover discovers that it is wisdom she seeks. The word ‘philosopher’ comes from the Greek words philo (loving) and sophia (wisdom). The lover reveals herself as a philosopher. Her Eros is transformed and the energy derived therefrom sublimated in the pursuit of wisdom.

Also examined was one of Milan Kundera’s novels The Unbearable Lightness of Being. Whereas Eros and love for Plato are related in that they co-occur, Kundera views love and sex as entirely distinct. His prose exposes his understanding of love in several ways, none of which relate to sex in the least. One example is in Tereza’s love for her dog. Another is in the compassion Tomas has for Tereza, especially in his display of empathy for her when the dog dies. Kundera’s understanding of erotic desire is expressed in connection with the motif of a bowler hat. Sabina, Tomas’ mistress, is turned into a sex object while donning a bowler hat because it humiliates her in Tomas' presence. The bowler hat for the couple represents a violation of a moral norm. This is how Kundera understands erotic desire. It is possible only when there is a release of repression. The situation or act must be perceived as naughty to be eroticizing. According to Kundera, love is self-surpassing unconditional compassion but sex is fully conditional. Erotic love occurs only under the circumstances in which we allow ourselves to deviate from what we consider acceptable conduct.

The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm was also examined. Fromm contends that true erotic love is founded in mature love. Mature love is not the “love” we associate with falling in love. Mature love requires that we do something in order to feel love. Love is not something that just happens or that we fall into. It is an act of will; desire, then, can be created. This is because feelings come and go. Love is an art, Fromm argues, that requires activity. Love must be activated. Love for Fromm not only requires a commitment but is a commitment. This challenging theory is drastically removed from the modern notions of romantic love based on feelings that fall away as quickly as they are encountered. Commitments within modern marriages, especially in notorious celebrity marriages, are only seen as worthy of keeping as long as the feeling lasts. This is why Fromm ardently argues that love cannot be a feeling. The ability to love another in a mature sense requires certain conditions. One must have first developed a mature love for oneself and for all others as well. Then one can have erotic love. Erotic love, as Fromm understands it, has been highly mischaracterized with recent notions of finding the ‘right’ partner that highlight the importance of distinguishing characteristics that supposedly make a particular potential mate better for one than another. It is though one is looking for the glove to fit the hand. Despite this misconception - this fallacy Fromm warns us about - that one need only to find the right partner and love will follow, Fromm does not argue that the act of committing assures love will endure. He argues for certain elements as required for two people to make a satisfactory match. He does not arrive at a compromise between the two insomuch as he understands erotic love as a paradox. Love is not solely a rational endeavour for Fromm. While a rational commitment is required, love is also something that is experienced. The experience that Fromm argues for is mystical. Love for another that is mature culminates in a mystical union.

Each of these books of philosophical prominence acknowledges an intense existential crisis that is common to all humans. Love is considered the best response to this crisis. Kundera understands that what weighs most heavily on our conscience is the feather-lightness of meaninglessness. He exemplifies this through Tomas' affairs and Sabina's propensity to run away before anything in her life stands the chance of becoming meaningful. It is good to have burdens, Kundera asserts. The heaviness of our burdens ensures we will continue to carry them. Lightness, as opposed to heaviness, is eventually seen as insignificant. It is when the world reveals itself as meaningless that we are struck by the unbearable lightness of our being. This causes extreme pain and anxiety because we need are actions to matter. When we see our actions as mattering, life reflects back as meaningful again.

Our search for wisdom, according to Plato, is our response to the existential crisis that is our separateness from the gods. As the gods are understood to possess great wisdom, the realization of our separateness leads us to seek wisdom in order to approximate immortals. We seek to overcome our mortality as much as possible through "giving birth" to laws, ideas, and virtue that endure after we have passed. In this way we are preserved. For Fromm we grieve separateness not from gods but from nature. When we are born, Fromm contends, we are separated from nature. The awareness of our separation results in intense anxiety. While we strive to resolve the anxiety in several ways, such as orgiastic states (providing us temporary relief from are aloneness), only love, according to Fromm, is the most complete and sufficient response to our awareness of our existential aloneness.

While Plato’s the Symposium was written in the 4th century BC, Fromm’s The Art of Loving in the 50s, and Kundera’s The Unbearable Lightness of Being in the 80s, each author depicts love as a response to existential tensions by which all of us are connected. These texts suggest that it is not the immature, uninitiated person who asks the naïve questions; it is the wise philosopher – the lover after wisdom.

Reading

2010-10-31T17:12:00.001-04:00

With my move to Vancouver, I had to miss the launch of the Canadian Voices Volume II anthology, so myself and the other BC author are arranging our own event in a couple of weeks. Spoken INK is the reading series presented by the Burnaby Writers' Society on the third Tuesday of each month at La Fontana Caffe where BC authors read from their new books.

The featured guests start readings at 8 pm and open mic readings will follow.

Date: Tuesday, November 16. 8:00 pm
Location: La Fontana Caffe
101-3701 East Hastings in North Burnaby (NE corner of Boundary and Hastings)

Canadian Voices Volume II

2010-10-18T11:56:00.006-04:00

Canadian Voices Volume II is now available at Chapters Indigo.
Chapters Indigo
I have read every story and poem and am so proud of all the writers for the brilliant job they have done. If you've read it, please leave a comment on the book's page on the Chapters website.
I will be doing a reading of my story in Vancouver next month. Please check back for details.

Fortune favours the bold?

2010-10-12T23:54:00.011-04:00

When I was planning my move to the beautiful West Coast, I had thought I should arrive with a plan laid out well in advance. I decided that I must choose a career – that is, in addition to writing – and I chose nursing, thinking that I could make it through the gruelling four years of study, and then after a while do a masters and then really do some interesting work. Well, turns out I’m not that patient.

It’s not only that I need a means to support myself in addition to royalties that may come or not. I fully believe that no single pursuit is enough to address all the varying complexities that comprise every individual. Also if writing is what I do for eight hours a day, then it most certainly fits into the category of work, and I’m not sure I want it to be. That said, writing certainly got a firm hold on me. The stashes of little crumpled bits of paper in my backpack of random thoughts jotted down on route certainly are proof of that. The questions is, what I will do with the remainder of my time.

I was reading over my bio in the newly released volume of Canadian Voices and speculated what I will say about myself in next volume. “Christina tries to be an inspiration to others (and herself) by pursuing her dream of being a writer and studying subjects not because they might lead to a job but because they keep her interest. In her spare time she does consulting work and thinks of ways to spend less money – a necessary tactic, considering.”

Some things are falling into place quite nicely, though. We have internet today after only residing here for 5 short weeks and the other day on my way home from a trip to the LDB, astonished by the prices of wine, I found a fiver on the street. Well, it looks like I got the correct price for the bottle of wine in the end, LDB! Fortune favours the bold, they say, right? Yes, I know as I writer I should avoid clichés like the plague…ha, ha. In any case, I’m sure much better things await than a little free cash (though it never hurt) and I will figure out my life in due time.

I posted a picture of the gorgeous heritage home that houses my new suite instead of one of the landscape; however, I will surely post some of those shots shortly for any poor souls who have never made it to this side of the Canada.

Canadian Voices in Open Book Toronto

2010-08-31T13:40:00.001-04:00

Pj Wong, the writer in residence of Open Book Toronto, has written about Canadian Voices vol two in Open Book Toronto.

Just One More Thing Before I Go....
Submitted by pjkwong on August 31, 2010 - 7:48am.

This is my final day as WIR for Open Book Toronto and I cannot tell you how much I have enjoyed the experience!

Before I go, I want to make mention of a new book coming out from BookLand Press called ‘Canadian Voices, Volume 2’. It is an anthology comprising the work of 86 authors from across Canada. What I really like about it is the fact that it not only contains the work of established writers like Jasmine D’Costa it also showcases the work of brand new authors.

Publisher Robert Morgan says: “Canadian Voices is a powerful and moving collection, which stretches across the boundaries of age, skin colour, language, ethnicity, and religion to give voice to the lives and experiences of ordinary Canadians. This vibrant, varied sampler of the Canadian literary scene captures timely personal and cultural challenges, and ultimately shares subtle insight and compassion written by a wide spectrum of stylistically and culturally diverse authors.”

This is a book which is right up my alley. Having traveled the world over one of the things that I love about Canada is the fact that cultural and ethnic diversity if celebrated here. What better way to learn about the stories from Canadians across the spectrum than to have them included in a book like this one. Make sure you check it out:

Canadian Voices, Volume Two
An Anthology of Prose and Poetry by Emerging Canadian Writers
ISBN: 978-0-9784395-8-3,
BookLand Press, 360 pages, $25.95

There will be a book launch for Canadian Voices, Volume 2 on September 20 from 6:30 pm to 9:00 pm at SUPERMARKET ART BAR, 268 Augusta Avenue, Toronto, ON M5T 2L9, www.supermarkettoronto.com.

Thanks again to all of the readers out there for the support I have enjoyed over this last month. It was my goal at the beginning of the month to take some time to read new books to share with you and to generally take a closer look at the world around me. I hope you haven enjoyed the process even a quarter as much as I have.

I know that Joey Comeau is waiting in the wings as the WIR for September and I am sure you are going to be totally engaged by what he has to say. Google him, you’ll see he is not only talented but a very prolific writer as well. Keep reading Toronto! Pj :)

Media Release for Canadian Voices Volume II

2010-08-08T11:54:00.002-04:00

Canadian Voices volume 2

2010-07-07T10:03:00.002-04:00

My newest story Fortunes and Fortitude will appear in Canadian Voices Volume 2 this summer. It is a comedy about a forty-something underwriter who has been looking for something but just didn’t know what. Then he meets Melàni.

Melàni arrived, and he waved her over. Melàni Pataya. Her name
sounds like an exotic fruit salad, he thought.
“You look just like you do in your photo,” she said. The comment
pleased Morton because he often found that people didn’t look as good as in their carefully selected profile photos.
He cupped her hand in both of his. “I got a little peckish,” he
said when she looked at the fortune cookie wrapper, and he disposed of it between the salt and soy sauce. “They’re only ten cents. You may have as many as you like.”
“Thanks. I’ll have one after dinner.”

Check back for updates on the book launch in Toronto.

Cover design

2010-07-03T17:42:00.002-04:00

This is what the cover of the new volume of Canadian Voices will look like. I think it’s beautiful and even classier than the first one. I hope I’ll still be in town for the launch.

old photographs

2010-07-03T17:41:00.001-04:00

In preparation for the big move to the West Coast, I sold a few things that I had in storage. Getting everything ready to sell always takes longer than you think. Especially when you have a weakness for going through boxes of photographs and documents. Here are a few old modelling photos. They were taken by an MD who turned to photography to exercise his right hemisphere. I like them because they aren't too glamorous and can even pass as candid.

There are some that show more of the gold bikini that I designed, but I'll just assume that nobody wants to see those.

Canadian Voices Volume 2

2010-04-02T18:46:00.002-04:00

My newest story Fortunes and Fortitude will appear in Canadian Voices Volume 2 this spring. It’s a comedy about a forty-something underwriter who has been looking for something but just didn’t know what. Then he meets Melàni.

You can still get Canadian Voices Vol. 1 at Chapters/Indigo online and at a great discount!
Chapters/Indigo

Words Alive Photo

2010-03-31T19:00:00.006-04:00

Here is a picture from my reading of 'I Painted London' at Words Alive Literary Festival. It was held on September 20, 2009. I'm late posting this as I was waiting for awhile for the festival photos to be posted on their site and I just checked back again now. This year it will be held September 18, 2010 at its usual location at Sharon Temple National Historic Site and Museum in Sharon, Ontario.

Read my latest fiction on Writer Advice

2010-01-06T20:41:00.003-05:00

The short piece is on one of my favourite subjects: Dreams. Writer Advice is an e-zine publishing author interviews, reviews, articles, fiction, and poetry that reach readers around the globe.

Here's a short excerpt:

He says he’ll be working late and won’t be home for dinner, so I eat chips wrapped in paper on the street.

My slick mouth gapes open when I see him. The girl has a ponytail down to her waist. He gives her flowers with petals that flare out like trumpets, the way her mouth does when she laughs.

Read the rest by clicking here

Canadian Voices in The Epoch Times

2010-01-06T20:12:00.012-05:00

The Epoch Times

Canadian Voices Featured in India Journal

2009-12-06T10:58:00.003-05:00

Reporter and fellow author Jatin Naik interviewed Canadian Voices contributors for the India Journal, a national newspaper for the Indian-Canadian community. More contributors will appear in the next issue.

Creative Couch Designs

2009-11-28T14:03:00.006-05:00

I was researching peculiar couches for setting description in a story I'm writing and came across a few striking designs on the web. I'm an ardent fan of colour and love the pixel sofa by Danish manufacturer Kvadrat and the patchwork design of British designer Lisa Whatmough.

The Lila Lang climbing sofa looks like something out of Alice in Wonderland. It epitomizes the fantasy realism genre so well and should definitely be in my home immediately. I’ll have to settle for it on my web home for now.

WOW Women On Writing Flash Fiction Contest

2009-11-16T13:41:00.010-05:00

I was one of 25 winners in the WOW Women On Writing Summer 2009 Flash Fiction Contest http://www.wow-womenonwriting.com/34-FE1-Summer09Contest.html for my story 'I Painted London.'

The funny thing is I was beaten out by a guy. But I won’t complain because I’m the type who would enter a writing contest for men.
I won a WOW! Prize Pack, and my name, location, and title entry is published on WOW! Women On Writing.

All the winning stories, including the Honorable Mentions (where I placed), scored a '15' - the highest possible score. Deciding on the top 10 came down to technical aspects and the guest judge’s personal choice.

If you click on 'Older Posts' on my blog, you can read an excerpt of my flashy win there.

Book Launch

2009-11-13T13:26:00.010-05:00

The launch of the Canadian Voices anthology at Supermarket Art Bar was a great success. A combined 330 people attended and watched online. To the right is a photo of me signing a book.

The anthology is now available in major bookstores and online.

http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/books/Canadian-Voices-Volume-One-Anthology-Canadian-Anthology/9780978439552-item.html?ref=Search+Books%3a+%2527bookland+press%2527

Weekly Voice

2009-10-22T09:49:00.005-04:00

Canadian Voices was featured in the Weekly Voice

10 South Asian Authors Part Of 'Canadian Voices'

Canadian Voices, an anthology of prose and poetry by emerging Canadian writers, is all set for its release. Jasmine DCosta spearheaded the co-ordination of all 58 authors the the book among which are 10 who are of South Asian descent.
Canadian Voices is a powerful and moving collection of prose and poetry, which stretches across the boundaries of age, skin color, language, ethnicity, and religion to give voice to the lives and experiences of ordinary Canadians.
This vibrant, varied sampler of the Canadian literary scene captures timely personal and cultural challenges, and ultimately shares subtle insight and compassion written by a wide spectrum of stylistically and culturally diverse authors.
Canadian Voices is more than simply an anthology - it is a celebration of wonderful writing by some of todays finest emerging Canadian writers. This book is an ambitious, lasting, and meaningful work of literature that will not soon fade away. It is an exceptional reading experience to be enjoyed and savoured. Particiapting authors are John Ambury, N. Patricia Armstrong, Elizabeth Barnes, Dahn Batchelor, Kathleen Betts, Yvonne Blackwood, Karim Bondrey, Alison E. Bruce, Altug Cakmakci, Mauro Cappa, Joan Chisholm, Christina Clapperton, Nancy Kay Clark, R.G. Condie, Juliet Davy, Jasmine DCosta, Susan Desveaux, Sally Dillon, Josie Di Sciascio-Andrews, Graham Ducker, Mary Craig Gardner, Zita Hinson, Sherry Isaac Manny Johal, Nancy Jonah, Fatmatta Kanu, Perparim Kapllani, David Kimel, Sharon Knauer, Bianca Lakoseljac, Karen Lam, John Maar, Maria Pia Marchelletta, Cassie McDaniel, Gemma Meharchand, Braz Menezes, Jatin Naik, Lisabeth Neuman Judy Powell, Sylvia Price, Elana Rae, Maheen A. Rashdi, Pratap Reddy, Larry Rodness, Philomena Saldanha, Mel Sarnese, Andrew Scott, Marian Scott, Reva Stern Sandor Stern, Steven H. Stern, Anna Stitski, Hailun Tang, Linda Torney, Edwin Vasan, Herb Ware, Karol Zelazny and Zohra Zoberi.
http://www.weeklyvoice.com/news/newsdetail.php?id=726

Book launch of Canadian Voices Volume One

2009-10-21T18:52:00.004-04:00

The anthology I contributed to will be launched on November 10th. With the publisher, media, and almost 60 authors alone, it will be a hopping night. So come early to avoid standing out on the sidewalk!

November 10 from 6:30 pm to 9:00 pm

SUPERMARKET ART BAR

268 Augusta Ave, Toronto, ON M5T 2L9

Book Launch Update

2009-10-02T11:43:00.004-04:00

The book launch for the anthology I contributed to is expected for early November. This is a media release for it. It is entitled Canadian Voices and will be in bookstores by the time of the launch.

Word On The Street

2009-09-28T11:46:00.006-04:00

I attended the Word On The Street festival yesterday. The weather could have been better; however it did stay dry at least for the hours I was there. I also attended the Words Alive Festival in Sharon last Sunday, and found it tightly packed with several workshops that were highly pertinent to writers (they lucked out with perfect weather). WOTS had more appeal to the general public, although this was likely their goal so in that respect they were probably equal successes.

I submitted an anonymous page of prose to be critiqued at a writers’ workshop by an editor and an author and writing teacher. It was from a project I have been working on just for a couple of weeks. The editor remembered a lot of it after the host read it—a good thing that he likened to coming across a great manuscript at work and when he tells his wife about it, he can recount a lot about the story after a brief read.

The writing instructor said that she doesn’t have an interest in nature and, although she understood it to be symbolism for something else, she would rather get a better picture of the character upfront—duly noted—but when critiquing a manuscript with food as a focus, she liked this, and even though she said that there were too many references to inanimate objects and she wasn’t able to experience the characters, she would read more because she likes food stories (well, good for her). The editor said he would read more if it had come across his desk—a positive sign since his publishing company publishes very little fiction and he actually suggested to the audience that they consider writing non-fiction (another slightly odd comment from this panel).

I attended the same workshop at last year’s festival. (I had just started writing and didn't have anything prepared to have critiqued at that time). And I have to say that I continue to be amazed at how well they can analyze a piece read aloud to them quickly and, in front of a large audience, can issue a critique, judgment, and make suggestions to improve the writing. They certainly have superior attention spans and listening skills! I am applying their comments in my reworking of the opening and I think the changes will improve it, so overall the workshop and the festival was a beneficial experience.

Julie & Julia

2009-09-03T20:16:00.007-04:00

Since the buzz about Meryl Streep playing Julia Child, there has been some confusion about the book called Julie & Julia. On a featured shelf at bookstores, you’ll likely see three books with a similar likeness.

—Mastering the Art of French Cooking by Julia Child, Louisette Bertholle, and Simone Beck
—My Life in France by Julia Child (compiled from her letters, papers, and interviews) with Alex Prud'Homme
—Julie & Julia: My Year of Cooking Dangerously by Julie Powell

Comedic writer Nora Ephron wrote the screenplay based on the latter two books and the cookbook is the motif that connects them. Adding further to the confusion, the subtitle does not appear on the latest cover of Powell’s book and the cover bears a strong resemblance to the movie poster (photographs of Julie Powell and Meryl Streep are flipped with Streep on top in the advertisement for the movie), causing some people to believe that the Julie & Julia book is about the lives of both Julie Powell and Julia Child, when it is, in fact, Powell’s story in her perspective. I listened to the audio book of Powell’s story and relied on the movie to inform me of Child’s life and what led her to write her seminal book on French cooking for Americans.

In the film, Streep succeeds with her impersonation of Julia Child, from her hilarious mannerisms to hitting every inflection of Child’s famous voice. A more diminutive, tentative nature was written into Powell’s character, probably to make her more appealing to viewers. If Julia Child did say that she found Julie Powell disrespectful, Powell’s copious use of the f-word might have had something to do with it. You can read Powell's recent comment on how she thinks "curse words are vital parts of language," on her current blog http://juliepowell.blogspot.com. I think I prefer the exuberant Powell over the one portrayed in the film, although Amy Adams certainly pulls of the role she was given.

Some critics did not find the film’s fusion of the two stories a perfect blend, arguing that giving each story equal weight truncates Child’s experiences in postwar France where she fell in love with French cuisine and culture. However, younger viewers can relate to Powell’s struggle, and her story is a small revolution because hers is the first blog to be made into a movie. Her project led to a book deal that aligned her with the greatness of Julia Child.

What also makes Julie Powell’s story remarkable is that she is just a regular person (without the financial independence and the opportunity to discover French cooking in France as Child had), who wanted a career change. Instead of enrolling in expensive cooking lessons, she teaches herself how to cook by working through a worn copy of Child’s 700-page Mastering the Art of French Cooking, often cooking at eight or nine o’clock at night after coming home from her secretarial job and then blogging about it at five o’clock the next morning. This was at a time when most people didn’t know what a blog was. Not only did the story interest my husband and I in adding French cooking to our repertoire, it fueled us with more inspiration to do something remarkable with our lives.

Review of Michael Cunningham’s ‘The Hours’

2009-08-29T10:19:00.009-04:00

The Pulitzer Prize-winning novel, The Hours, intertwines the lives of three women from different eras. Laura Brown, a pregnant housewife in 1949 California, is planning a party for her husband but is preoccupied reading Mrs. Dalloway. Clarissa Vaughan, a publisher, living in late twentieth-century New York is throwing a party for her friend Richard, a famous author dying of AIDS, the illness causing her to reevaluate her choices in life. Virginia Woolf is starting to write her book, Mrs. Dalloway, in 1923 suburban England. The basic theme is wondering if it is better to live your life for your own happiness or the happiness of others.

The story shoots back to the past in their memories and, in doing so, creates a depth of history that infiltrates their minds during the present moments in the story. The plot cannot be examined separately; as descriptive as the moments of buying flowers (flowers are a central motif) and baking a cake are, they are trivial without the delicious internal thoughts that accompany them. However, the triviality of the tasks was deliberate. Complacencies are confronted, causing them to face important questions about life and death. The author uses stream of consciousness to explore their inner lives (also used in Woolf’s Mrs. Dalloway—the book's literary muse), and he does this with great sensitivity.

Cunningham’s choice of protagonists is an interesting study. Increasingly, flawed characters, even antiheros, are being accepted because they are more identifiable and accessible to readers. Different people, of course, have different reasons for reading, and a reader who wants a fast-moving plot will likely have difficulty getting through this meditation of humanity. As a new writer and a reader more interested in strong character development, I was enamoured by Cunningham’s ability to successfully handle the complexity of the novel’s framework. The novel inspires excellence in writers without alienating readers.

A kiss takes places between Laura Brown and her neighbour, Kitty, but affections for her are not described. Perhaps the intended focus of this interaction is on the moment and her desperation rather than premeditated romanticizing or a realization of homosexuality. I would have liked to have known more about the shared history between Clarissa and Richard. Why they have remained so close and the impact of his illnesses—both physical and mental—on their relationship.

Overall it is a brilliant read, and I admire Cunningham’s bravery to tackle this project and his accomplishment in seamlessly weaving different points of view in neat little segments. Bravo.

Update on my novel

2009-08-28T10:24:00.004-04:00

I am happy to report that I have completed a draft of my novel ‘Stuck in Wonderland’ and am in the process of editing it. An excerpt is being published by BookLand Press. Please check back in September for details on the anthology, when it will be in stores, and the book launch date that is anticipated for October.

Excerpt from my short story 'I Painted London'

2009-08-07T16:21:00.014-04:00

In London, it didn’t rain. Leaning over his balcony, I imagined water running over gleaming rainbowed streets before being swallowed up by mouths of sewer grates. I painted a teahouse where tourists wait out the summer showers and businessmen with rain-soaked shoulders struggling with umbrellas turned inside out. I purpled my powder white clouds and ran red brushstrokes across the bruised sky.

On the first of May, he took me to see dancers weaving patterns with coloured ribbons as they circled a pole. I told him I probably wouldn’t have moved to London if I’d known he took his dates to see pole dancers, and that it was a good thing he neglected to mention this on his dating profile. I bought a souvenir maypole and did my own version of the dance for him that night. I found a better place to hang the ribbons.

He was working late, so I got take-away and ate chips wrapped in paper on the street. My slick mouth gaped open when I saw him. The girl had a ponytail down to her waist. I walked behind them, my hat low and listened to her foreign accent, harsh and hard, as they discussed their plans. Images flooded my mind of her standing naked in front of him with black strands spread over her breasts, then of her tossing her hair over her shoulders and turning away from him, as he watched their ends gather in the dimples of her lower back.

They questioned me at the airport, asked why I brought three suitcases and only stayed five days, demanded to see my passport. I remembered that I had it in my hand when I took out the painting that I left for him by the door—the one of the businessmen leaving broken umbrellas in puddles. He probably missed the metaphor.

On the plane, I wouldn’t eat. I faded in and out of sleep. An attendant poked my arm and asked me to move my seat up to prepare for landing. The feeling reminded me of the injections. I’d resist at first, until I could feel it flowing inside me, feeding my body like nourishment. I used my blanket to cover my unfastened seatbelt. I wasn’t ready to be strapped in again.

I woke up to the morning light slicing through the blinds and landing in squares on the ceiling like a chessboard. I went to the door and it opened when my palm touched the doorknob. A long table was set for tea, and I looked around for the guests.

250 Word Story Challenge #2

2009-03-06T11:00:00.027-05:00

The Party

Much of the evening was spent nearly latched onto Claire’s arm, a shockingly beautiful model wrapped in magenta satin like a candy. Claire was kind enough to let Julia stand there, as she knew only the host of the party. By the time Julia thought of something to say, the conversation had often moved on to another topic.

On the wall behind Julia was a painting of misshapen objects called Blinding Light. Squinting at it, she wondered if it was a picture of the room the way someone going blind saw it. She thought that the meaning of all paintings could be discerned if you stared at them long enough.

Julia was asked to pass hors d'oeuvres. She circled the room with a plate of mini quiches like a caterer. A man with wet-looking hair talked to her about his business, and she politely nodded. She excused herself to set the plate down and then sank into a sofa where she retreated to her imagination.

She pictured herself at a soirée, her grey A-line dress replaced with a stunning sequined gown. She would play it coy as handsome men vie for her attention, letting them observe the glowing lights dancing on her décolletage. When she would speak, she’d charm them with her witty and intelligent conversation.

As the host called her name, the sequins scattered on the floor. The men’s faces blurred into one—that of the wet-haired businessman now ogling Claire’s fantastic body.

Copyright © 2009 Christina Clapperton. All rights reserved.

250 Word Story Challenge

2009-02-07T09:15:00.007-05:00

Writing a 250 word story is a challenge indeed. But there are a few things that can make it easier. Start the story as late as possible. If the character decides to go somewhere where she will encounter conflict or the like, begin when the character is already there. You can start writing earlier if you like, but expect to cut the first paragraph.

Establish the setting early on so the reader is experiencing the journey of the character rather than trying to interpret where the character is.

Don’t worry about going over the word count when you're writing. You may be surprised by how much you can cut out later. That said, economy of language is very important. Think of it like poetry, where every word is carefully chosen. But this doesn't mean that the story needs to sound poetic. If it is too abstract, there will likely be narrative underpinnings missing that are needed to give the story context.

Your goal in editing is to get it to the point where you don't need to add anything and nothing can be taken out.

Here is my 250 word story:

Fruit Cocktail

I remember when I first understood what selfishness was. I took breaks from a busy day, creating refrigerator masterpieces or hanging with my pals Bert and Ernie, for an afternoon snack. Often my mother dished out a delicious bowl of fruit cocktail. I watched her scoop the syrupy mixture into my Peter Rabbit bowl and searched its myriad colours for red—the cherry. Spotting one, my eyes brightened like the dyed, candy-coloured remnants of what was once a nutritious fruit. Capturing it on my spoon, I alerted my mother and slowly and steadily motioned it toward my mouth like a magician holding a lit torch. Making contact with my tongue, I uttered an emphatic “Mmm.”

“Don’t eat the cherries, mom. There aren’t many, and I like them, okay,” I said to my mom, imagining how unsatisfying my snack would be if there weren’t any cherries to be had. Undoubtedly she delighted in ‘our’ fruit cocktail tradition as much as I did.

One afternoon as I sat in the kitchen, a red jewel sparkling on my spoon, Mom wasn’t there to witness my dramatic enactment.

“Mom, come watch me eat a cherry,” I shouted. After a few moments, I called to her again. “Mom, why aren’t you coming to watch me eat the cherry?”

She replied, “If I can’t have any, I’m not going to watch you eat them.”

A clustering suddenly occurred about my cheeks in the colour of the very thing I had selfishly coveted.

‘The Necklace’: Digressions on selfishness and unselfishness

2008-11-28T14:07:00.005-05:00

My father had a fleeting fixation with buying things from The Shopping Channel. Mostly it was jewelry that he would save for birthday and Christmas presents. But one day, on no particular occasion, he gave me a gold necklace that sparkled when I tilted it.

“I want to give it my student teacher,” I said, without hesitation. I was in the second grade and had few teachers for comparison but considered her a favourite. I remembered that her last day at the school was coming up and thought it would be a good occasion for a gift. My father surprised me when he agreed without protest.

When the day came, I didn’t tell anyone what I had brought. Even the box had a majestic quality. I enjoyed running my fingers across its smooth velvety surface. We were called to the front of the classroom to bring up anything we might have brought as a gift to the student teacher. We watched her open cards and then a calendar with pictures of puppies in baskets and peeking out from under blankets. Then she saw the royal blue box. That was enough to make her gasp.

“Oh, my goodness,” she said when she opened the box. “Oh, wow, you didn’t have to do that.” The class joined in with oohs and ahs when she held it up for them to see. “I’ll take off this old thing!” she said as she flung her silver chain off her neck in an almost comical manner and positioned the delicate gold necklace in its place. I realized then that the gift had been disproportionate to the occasion but foolishness could not compete with the wonderful feeling that came over me.

“Christina, thank you again so much for the beautiful necklace,” she said the next morning when she passed me a pink envelope with one hand, the other held to her chest. In the card she had written, “Thank you for the beautiful necklace. I was so touched by your thoughtful and generous gift. I wore it last night to a dinner the school had for the student teachers.”

I have long forgotten the teacher’s name but the event is fixed in my memory because of what my father did. Giving the gift allowed me to experience the greater gift of generosity and unselfishness.

I was reminded of this story when I heard about the book, The Necklace: Thirteen Women and the Experiment That Transformed Their Lives by Cheryl Jarvis. It is a true story that begins with a woman’s epiphany: the realization that she could have what she wanted if she just shared it. What Jonell McLain wanted that day in a Ventura, California mall was a $37,000 diamond necklace. She pitched her idea to some women who might want to join her in demystifying ownership and affordability by sharing the decadent jewels.

The experiment’s challenge of conventional thinking and the dichotomy of diamonds and selflessness caught my interest. I had hoped to learn intimate details about the thirteen women, such as their socioeconomic backgrounds, what they already had in their jewelry boxes, and particularly what made them decide to join such a curious group. There is a chapter dedicated to each woman, containing interesting stories about them, but I found the emphasis on sentimentality of what the group has meant to the women clichéd at times. Some explanations for joining the group were reduced to, “the idea appealed” to her or she “had known instantly that she wanted to buy a share of the necklace.”

Some of the women admitted to feeling a void in their increasingly overwhelming and sometimes lonely lives. I wanted to know if the loneliness sparked their interest in being part of the group. Did they wonder if the other women felt that same hunger for community as they did? This may have been implied, but the book seemed to lack full disclosure. I wanted grappling with deep-rooted psychological issues with selfishness or using the necklace as therapy to end someone’s history of denying herself nice things because she had thought she did not deserve them. If more risks would have been taken, Jarvis’ argument for the remarkableness of the experiment would likely be more compelling.

I found myself skimming through trite descriptions of the attire they paired with the jewels to get to the real gems, such as how Jonell McLain was finally ousted from her self-appointed leadership role by the group or how for the past ten years of her marriage, she and her husband have been living in separate homes. McLain humourously compared the arrangement to the necklace: Nice to have but you don’t need it all the time.

At one of their group meetings, a desire was expressed to make the necklace mean something more. They started to share it with women outside the group. The women whom they shared the necklace with, reported feeling loved and included in the group even if only wearing it for as little as a few minutes. Some even felt a sense that they were being rewarded for sacrifices they had made in life.

Having had many more opportunities since the second grade to be both on the giving and receiving end of a gift or unselfish act, I am better able to anticipate the good feeling that may accompany it. The thirteen women may very well have wanted others to experience the same joy and satisfaction that the necklace had brought them. But if they had anticipated how the others’ reactions would make them feel, on whose behalf were they really acting? And of course their motives to participate in the experiment in the first place were far from altruistic. But their experiment taught them something about selfishness. McLain wanted to demystify ownership. I think she succeeded in challenging the boundaries of ownership and, at the same time, mystifying the concept of selfishness.

On Becoming a Writer: A Story

2008-09-25T12:32:00.004-04:00

I am turning thirty this year and you would think that I would be evaluating my life to the present date, taking inventory of all the areas of my life to see where I failed to measure up against what I thought I would have achieved. As the beginning of a new phase of my life approaches, however, I am not frantically reaching for my proverbial Sharpie to see how many things I can check off the ‘By the time I’m 30’ checklist. Instead I made an escape from the corporate world and turned to what I have always been passionate about: Stories.

Although I did not perceive writing to be synonymous with dollar signs, when researching any profession, it is important to consider what one could expect to earn. What I found was quite expected, that writers are heavily underpaid, but it was quite surprising to learn that even if your book is a bestseller, it does not mean that it will necessary earn you enough to support yourself without other means of compensation, especially if you are a Canadian writer from what I hear. And authors on average have been writing for ten years before their first “story” was published.

Probably one of the most difficult things to give up is the security of a guaranteed paycheque. Aside from staff journalism, most writing jobs do not come with the luxury of one. In speaking to a published Canadian author (albeit for one of the tougher markets) who informed me of some of these rather discouraging facts and figures, I opined that if a writer is really passionate about her craft, the money would come. His lack of response suggested to me that he thought that my expectations for earnings were unrealistic. I clarified that it may not be as much as one would hope for; nevertheless, if you do what you love the money should follow. His response was poignant. His expression soured. Then he shook his head and said simply “I don’t think so.” Not an encouraging story.

Can the creative career sustain itself for long without compensation? Vincent van Gogh was not a celebrated artist during his lifetime and struggled to make a living. Although he started drawing a few years earlier, he did not commit to painting until about the same pivotal age of thirty. He borrowed money excessively from his brother, Theo, to survive and out of necessity painted landscapes when he could no longer afford to pay models for portraits. Van Gogh drew and painted feverishly, often all day and night. In a letter to Theo he admitted that his incessant commitment to his work would cause his health to fail unless, perhaps, he would sell some of his paintings. Although earnings were certainly not his chief concern when choosing a career path to follow, this suggests that van Gogh felt that creativity cannot live on internal rewards alone. On the advice of Theo, he travelled to Paris to learn the style of paintings that were popular at that time in effort to make his work more appealing to potential art collectors. Even after becoming privy to this knowledge (that would be far less esoteric today), he only sold one painting a few months before he committed suicide at age 37, and by that time he had already suffered mental illness for several years. The lack of external reward for his creative efforts likely led to his demise, as van Gogh himself may have predicted it would.

I wonder if things would have turned out differently for van Gogh had he lived after the advent of the internet, which has made general knowledge accessible to everyone. Courses and seminars and customer opinions can be accessed online, making target market knowledge less of an issue. With the ability to apply focused attention rather than being forced to squeeze in an hour here and there after work, as is the case with many aspiring writers, I am optimistic that things will move along a little quicker for me. Without optimism the writers’ career is apt to be a short story. Thus, as I ascend into my thirties taking creative writing classes in pursuit of a career as stable as van Gogh’s mental health was, I ponder what other gainful activities I could pursue that would make my mother bury her head in her hands on the kitchen table. Hmm, I was thinking of taking up ballet.

Welcome to my blog

2008-09-08T13:14:00.004-04:00

An article in the Toronto Star last week featured a couple who chose to have a very large family and its position was that this challenges the current norm of the 1.5 children families. Most young families that I know have two children or one and trying for number two. Assuming my friends make a fairly representative sample, this would suggest that there are an increasing number of families like mine that consist of two, this is, wife and husband, or some variation thereof. If that is the case, why are perceptions of those who forgo parenthood seemingly unchanged since the era of teenage brides?

Most people assume you will have kids or at least want to have kids. Since the majority still does have children, the chances of your guess that your newly married coworker will want children being correct are better than her not wanting to. But should we assume? Is the appropriate question, “When do you think you’ll have children?” or should we be asking “Do you think you’ll have children?” or none of the above? My response when questioned by a coworker was that my husband and I are not having children. Hers was, “Well not yet, you just got married.” What part of “We are not having children” sounded like “We are going to enjoy our marriage for a couple of years first and then we will definitely start a family”? The next well-meaning coworker asked, “No kids! Why?” At least her response was in form of a question instead of a remark that suggests I don’t know what I’m talking about. I have to admit that I have to bite my tongue sometimes too. I want to know what is next. Maybe it is because there is so much anticipation around the upcoming wedding and when it is over the bride and groom have to, in a sense, return to their normal lives. If they did not live together before marriage, that is definitely a change, but they still go back to work like they did before they got married, do laundry like they did and so on. Newlyweds and their loved ones alike feel a sense of loss. The moment is over, which begs the question “So what’s next?”

A young single woman without children once shared with me that even though she has some fears about having kids, she definitely wants them someday because she doesn’t want to wake up one day and she is 60 and feels like she hasn’t done anything beyond having a career. It would seem to me that there is a lot to be done in this world that we would be able to think of meaningful things in which to occupy our time other than working the nine to five or raising a family. Those who already have children are probably even more likely to pass judgment (or have a less broad view) on the choice not to have children as they were subject to the same societal and familial pressures to procreate. Once you have children, there is no turning back, of course. Parents will be mindful of what they admit to others about their childrearing experience out of fear that they might give the impression that they are not grateful for their children. During the most challenging times of parenting, it would be quite natural to experience moments of doubt that they are happier with children than they were without. But when others choose not to have children, their ability to make the right decision for themselves may feel threatened. If others follow suit, their good decision to have children is reconfirmed.

Maybe having a baby alters one’s life so much that thoughts become so baby focused that the first question that comes to mind in the presence of a newly married couple is when their turn is coming. If our assumption is wrong, perhaps we can accept that others may just have a different plan for their lives. If couples with typical size families seek confirmation from others for their choices, then it stands to reason that those who are still considered going against the grain by not having children also appreciate validation for their decision.